What happened?

I was thinking tonight as I pondered the cleaning up I would have to do before family comes to visit, 'what happened to the old me?'. For the first 12 years or so of marriage my house of immaculate. Not just tidy, but thoroughly and completely clean all the time. I was at home for most of that time I must confess but I had a passion for a clean and tidy house, a place for everything and everything in its place. Even with 3 children under 5 I was super mum when it came to house work, craft, cooking and sewing. Then life happened.

I began to wonder when I lost this passion, was it when I first became ill, or started work or university for the 2nd time, was it while away looking after my brother and nephews when his wife died? I can't remember a time or day just a complete shift in how I spend my time.

It's not as if I don't love a clean and tidy house or I hate housework as such, it just doesn't have the same urgency that it used to. I feel stuck in a never ending cycle of shifting things to make the house presentable and then not being able to find them again. Then giving up because it all seems too much and I don't know where to start.

Now my life is getting back to some kind of normality this problem is going to have to be on my priority list. Not because I'm house proud, I'm definitely not, if I'm going to do it for anyone it will be for me but because I want that satisfaction back, the feeling I had when I could look around and feel the pleasure of a organised, well kept home.

I'll probably have to put my foot down when it comes to some of my better halfs belongings which I think are for outside but which are now inside and I know I want some more cupboards, shelves, containers etc to put things in but finding these can be enjoyable too.

A sewing table set up for me to work at when I feel like it, room in the study to work a place to relax and read away from the TV are all areas I would like in the house and now we have no one at home we should be able to do that.

So here's to a new life, new organisation, new outlook the new/old me!

Doctors

I have an amazing doctor and because I have an overabundance of medical conditions that need attention I know my doctor very well. I am also an advocate of people having a family doctor as it reaps the rewards of much better continuity of care, plus not having to explain the same things to different doctors every time you visit.

However the problem with finding a really good doctor is when they are good you can't get an appointment without waiting at least a week. Same goes for a clinic full of good doctors, you can't see anyone for days.

Now I go to a clinic that does not bulk bill without a concession card so you would think that it would be easier to get an appointment with your doctor of choice but no I'm afraid it isn't.

Now my suggestion is that if you're a medical clinic who has very popular doctors and patients that don't want to go somewhere else for those emergencies like: a migraine, a boil that needs lancing, very bad tonsillitis (that won't last a week before antibiotics) etc.. then they should have a doctor who just does clinic member emergencies. It would work like a 24 hr clinic where first in is first served but at least the assigned doctor would have your medical records on hand, you can attend the same centre, records would be kept for your usual doctor and if there is a problem they could consult them.

I have often seen other doctors for emergencies but today after I was told they didn't have an appointment for an excision of 2 very bad boils they said I would have to wait until next week! Next week, I can't move now and am on strong pain killers, what will I be like by next week.

I know I shouldn't complain as many people in the world don't have a chance to see any doctors. I am grateful for the amazing medical technology and professional competent doctors in this country, but it seems ridiculous that I now have to go and get a stranger to lance a boil at a 24 hr clinic where I'll have to line up for goodness knows how long to get a procedure that should be part of a clinic's service.

Am I expecting too much, if I'm willing to pay to see a doctor shouldn't I be able to get an appointment without waiting a week. Should doctors have cut off numbers of patients so they can see their regular patients when they need them. I know that to make money they need to have a wide client base but since there are 9 doctors at my clinic not being able to see anyone for a week seems ridiculous.

Anyway that's my gripe for today. It looks like I'll have to suffer in silence (on strong pain killers) stay off work and try to hang on until they either burst or drive me round the bend.
Money is one thing but health is another, if you have health but no money you are blessed, because without health you can't enjoy the money.

Playing around can waste so much time

I've just spent 2 hours playing around with my template design and really haven't got anywhere. I mean how much time can it take? Apparently forever. I tried a few new ones but they didn't work, so I'm going to have to get some info and tips from Alyce who always has a beautiful looking blog. Alyce is my daughter in law, my son Ben's wife. She is so clever and recently went to a bloggers conference to learn some new tricks and ideas. My problem is I have too many ideas, I find it hard to concentrate on one thing most of the time so I end up doing too many things at once.

Sometimes I wonder if it is the 'bi-polar' which makes me like this. I know when I'm manic I have so many ideas it sends me batty just thinking about them but really if I wrote down every new idea I had every day for all the things I do, could do, want to do or might want to do. All I would do is write.

Today for instance I had new ideas for:

• Parent - Teacher interface at school


• 3 businesses I'd like to start


• 4 books I'd like to write


• Too many redecorating ideas to mention


• Behaviour management techniques and


• 6 items I'd like to sew but don't have a pattern or know if one exists

Is that normal? Maybe it is, maybe I just think I'm abnormal but even if I'm not abnormal my brain can't seem to keep up.

Concentating on one thing at a time has always been my problem, I haven't finished the first project before I'm already collecting items for the next 5.

Maybe that's why I have so much trouble sleeping.

So I need to pray for some order in my brain, a brain filing system where I can retrieve ideas later on.

I wonder if there is such a thing and if not could I design one?

Oh stop it Vikki you're doing it again.

What's up with this week

I may be excused for being a little paranoid this week as I've had three episodes of different people venting at me over three separate things I know were not done in the spirit they were received.

Firstly it was taking something I said completely out of context, then a questioning of my motives and now someone believing I was judging them inappropriately. In my defense I must say that all three incidents were unprovoked and taken in ways totally opposite of what I intended.

However it has been a good lesson in tolerance, patience and remaining calm in the midst of tumoil. I can't say I handled every situation the same, the first I took far too personally as even though it was meant as a personal attack it was really someone venting frustration and I was in the firing line. The second again was someone who has no control of their situation and was looking for someone else to blame and the third is someone feeling guilty and looking for a way to justifiy their behaviour.

As a christian I don't always react the way I might like and in the first situation I must admit I didn't handle it well. However I did apologise for my response and let God show me that personal distress is often vented at those nearby. The second and third I handled much better, measuring my responses and thinking through how I should handle the situation.

Being wrongly accused of ulterior motives is never pleasant especially when you didn't have any but just like Christ was accused and spat on so shall we be. Remembering that Jesus was perfect and yet was still berated and misunderstood should relieve our hurt, for we are no where near perfect but as we stand for Christ we can expect no better treatment.

When we are sure of who we are, we can remind ourselves that God's opinion of us is the only one that matters, we then stand surer. Checking our motives and making sure that the allegations actually have no truth is an important part of growth. Realising that others may not have had many positive experiences and always assume the worst is also helpful.

It doesn't really matter who confronts you, Satan is the accuser, it is he who wants us to doubt ourselves, berate ourselves or even worse take offense. If we do then he has won.

So I brush myself off, learn from my mistakes, accept criticism where it is due and continue on with my journey. I don't stop trying, I don't say "well I'm never going to try and help again", I'm not going to get bitter or bent out of shape. That is what Satan wants and I will not give him that satisfaction. I know I'm not perfect, I know I make mistakes but I know my motives and I stand by them.

Now I feel better, sometimes putting it in words helps us get perspective and that is what this blog is about. Now how am I going to bless someone tomorrow?

Wednesday hump day at last

Middle of the week, Home group tonight, by the end of the day I've done my 3 full days without a spare and only 2 days left until the weekend so I can do some more sewing.

Just waiting til then to try a singlet top dress pattern I found on line.
It is very simple simply cut off a singlet top a few centimeteres below the bust then choose a lovely flowy fabric, cut twice the width of the singlet, gather attach to singlet top and you have a new dress.

Similarly you can attach a circular skirt by cutting out a skirt on the bias and attaching after some light gathering.

Sounds simple and looks great on the tutorial but the proof is in the making so I'll let you know on Monday how it went.
I am going to try to attach photos from my camera for the first time, hoping it works.

Have a great day

Vikki

What hope have the children got?

I find that more and more the parents I talk to regarding their children's behaviour or lack of effort want to put the blame on me, or the school, or on other children, in fact anyone other than themselves or their child.

Parents who take a phone call and are pleased that you care enough to call are few and far between but they do exist. Some are genuinely horrified at their child's behaviour and take the time to talk to you, discussing issues at home or things I need to know but nevertheless not making excuses.

I know I'm not the first teacher to despair at the generation of people they are charged with educating but just at the moment I am worried.
A lack of work ethic, a sense of entitlement without any effort or committment, an attitude of 'if it doesn't suit what I want to do then I just won't do it' is becoming far too common. It must be coming from somewhere because it's definitely not from the teachers or the school.
One parent even said to me, "that's what teachers are for, it's not my job to make them work at school", then went on to complain that their child had failed a subject.
It's not all doom and gloom, there are some amazing kids who have a willingness to learn and when challenged find strength inside themselves to go the extra mile. But that used to be the norm, now it's the minority. Even children from hardworking families are caught up in the "I'll be ok, I don't need school to succeed" myth.

Not everyone is academic, not everyone is going to get A's or even B's but everyone could get an A for effort and behaviour. Everyone has the chance to prove they are a hard worker who puts effort into all they do. Every student can have the commet conscienscious student on their report card.

It's amazing how students who have never done well suddenly get better grades when they apply themselves thoroughly. People are more willing to help, cut them some slack, give them extra time because they have proven their desire to reach goals.

I wonder where our country will be in twenty years time, will we have the same problems as the US and the UK? A majority of people who won't work, despise authority, want everything for nothing and then blame everyone else except themselves.

If we're not careful that's what it will come to and we'll have no one else to blame but ourselves.

A new passion

Isn't it amazing how one day we can be caught up in our daily grind and then something sparks a new interest and we become passionate overnight? It used to happen to me a lot but over the past few years life has seemed fairly routine, no hobbies, no outlets other than those I had to do for necessities sake. Now I feel like a new woman. Sewing, fabric, making things has become my new life at home. I'm not sure how my husband feels about it as I seem to spend an awful lot of time researching, comparing patterns, fabrics and new ideas. I used to sew, when my kids were little I sewed quite a bit, I had to, I couldn't afford new clothes for them and as I was particular about them being well dressed I had no choice. Similarly with my clothes, sewing was the only way to keep up with fashion. I was very practical as I was scared of getting out of my depth, but now I'm older I can afford to go a bit crazy, experiment, if it doesn't work who cares? Age is like that, what seemed so important in my youth suddenly doesn't matter. If I make a mistake I simply unpick, cut another piece of fabric or keep going. I made some trousers for Jonathan and realized when I had finishd that the fabric was upside down oops, but hey the fabric cost me all of $3.00 so I'm not going to fret about it. Made a little skirt with some lightweight satin and tulle on the weekend. No pattern I just guessed. It turned out ok, I remembered some things as I went along, cut it out twice (lucky there was enough of the remnants I used) and low and behold it turned out better than I expected. I know what to do next time I make one now. The more I do the more comes back to me. Tackling a dress next which I have a pattern for, more complicated so I've got to steel myself to just start it, as it's material my daughter in law bought I need to be sure before I cut and sew. So if you're dying to try something, go for it. Have fun, experiment. You'll never know what you're capable of if you don't give it a go.

Inspiration on the go

It always amazes me how when I'm the most busy ideas seem to pop into my head. It's not even that I'm thinking about any particular thing, they seem to come from nowhere. However knowing "all good things come from God" I'm sure what I think of as my inspiration is not mine at all.
Opshopping this afternoon brought on a flood of ideas which when sifted through actually did want some more exploration. My problem seems to be that the idea is clear enough, just not how to do it. However that is the challenge and I relish a challenge. Found a wealth of material I could use this afternoon but upon consideration want to hone down exactly what I want so I don't get stuck with a whole lot of stuff I can't use.
Still can't sleep, this is day 17 of broken sleep or prolonged periods of wakefulness, I thought that maybe going to bed later might help but have done that for 4 days now and it hasn't helped. So back to the drawing board.

Just messing around

I decided today that so much is going on with me and around me that I'd blog for a while and share these wonderful thoughts, feelings and ideas I've been having. So stay posted for craft ideas I've found or made up, recipes, random thoughts, shopping tips, style ideas etc. This will also be a way of journaling what is going on inside my head (do you really want to know?). So now I have to get my skates on, decide on the time each day that suits me to do this and just get to it. I'm hoping to play around with my template but for now this will do. Love to all and Goodnight.